What a difference just obeying makes! It has been impressed upon me by the sweet Holy Spirit that rejoicing is not an option but a command. I have been feeling it is impossible to be anything but mournful in this situation. Obedient? Yes. Submissive? Yes. Patient? Yes. Long-suffering? Yes. Joyful? Absolutely not! I don't know when I forgot about "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again [maybe because some people, like me, don't get it the first time]: Rejoice!" But Dear, Kind Jesus...how can I possible rejoice in this? I don't have to rejoice in THIS. I am commanded to rejoice in my Lord - who is sovereign and master over all I am going through and is the Lord and LORD of me. Today I took baby steps of obedience and from the first minutes of the morning I blessed Him for who He is. I sang to Him, chatted with Him and said back and forth with my husband, "He is good - all the time. All the time, He is good." A tiny flicker of joy licked its way up through my sorrow and despair.