February 5, 2015

Psalm 3

Sitting here waiting for Em to get through some school work and taking advantage of the extra time to meditate on a Psalm that could have been written especially for me by a dear friend who knows me well...I guess it was.

"Oh LORD, how many are my foes!
They do seem so many, and so varied. Sometimes I feel that other people have declared themselves my enemies (or the enemies of those nearest and dearest to me); other times I feel that a system is my enemy; yet other times it is clear that I "do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." Eph 6:12 ESV

But You, Oh, LORD, are a shield about me, my glory and the lifter of my head.

LORD - the Great I AM: independent, needing nothing from me, holding my existence and my future and the future of my loved ones in Your hands, all-powerful, eternal; You never "were not"; You were, You are and You always will be; You are here; You are never on Your way and never late to arrive.

You lift my head up when I feel downcast, downtrodden, humiliated...when our neighbors get served our lawsuit papers so now everyone on our street knows we're in trouble.

I lay down AND SLEPT;

Well, not always. But I would if I could learn to hand it all over to You. Sometimes I just doze in Your lap.

I woke again BECAUSE the LORD sustained me.

Sometimes I literally don't think I could wake up and face the day if You did not sustain me.

I will not be afraid of...people...salvation belongs to the LORD."

It's a choice and I'm making it: I will not give in to fear. I will cling to the One who owns it all and is in charge of my final destiny.

January 27, 2015

People keep saying...

People keep saying we must be special that He would trust us with trouble this big. Like Job. I don't know if that's our case...I have a terrible suspicion maybe it's more like He can't trust us with carefree happiness - maybe we'd become so free and easy we'd leave His side so He presses us to Him with pain. I can't get this out of my head.

Oh, I know Satan is somehow involved in this - in all of This: jail, prison, harrassment, limited ministry and communication, capsized boat and near-death experiences. I know he wants to end ministry and lives. However, I think God keeps allowing it because we are much more raw and tender to him when I am desperate because He is all I have.

Jesus, I want to love you even when things are great. I want to passionately seek you out even when all is right in the world. Please teach  me to do that because I don't think I'm there yet and I desperately want to be.

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